Raising resilient kids isn’t easy to do. In fact, I used to think I was helping my kids when I lent two hands. But as the years have gone by, I’ve learned the opposite is true. Read below to find out why.
Lend One Hand Not Two (an excerpt from the book “Making Grateful Kids”
It’s all too easy for parents to get sucked into doing too much for their children. You may have heard the term helicopter parents before. It’s when parents micromange children, a phenomenon that increased with the advent of cell phones.
You may think that helicopter parenting doesn’t apply to you. But here’s a form of it that can easily happen to anybody. Your child, crying out with frustration and despair while doing homework proclaims that he “just doesn’t get it” or that “he can’t do it,” and you step in because you care about his learning and want to help. Or—let’s be honest—maybe you’re just tired of the whining. But, by the time you figure things out, you find yourself writing down the details about what led to the Punic Wars and how the Roman Empire emerged as a dominant power—all while your child looks on content with the progress. Don’t get sucked into this! It’s good to support your child, but doing the work for them does more harm than good.
Think about it. If you always jump right in to help a child when she’s struggling, how will she ever build the skills or confidence to succeed? Butterflies can spread their wings only after they struggle to break through the cocoon. The same applies to children. If we want them to soar, they must fight for it first—and endure some tears, bumps, and pain along the way.
Why Do I Love this Advice?
I love this advice because it’s a simple phrase to say to yourself as a reminder. I’ve used it so much recently. I’ve gotten into the habit of asking myself when doing things for my kids: “Am I lending one or two hands right now?” And trust me, I’ve found myself too often lending two. And I’ve caught myself and backed off.
For example, my son was working on a school project. I found myself saying let’s do this, this, and this…while he nodded his head happily. Then, I realized I was lending two hands and basically doing the project for him. So I stopped and explained that’s what I would do. And then I asked him how he wanted to tackle the assignment. And to my surprise, he thought about it and came up with something equally as good, if not better.
So, keep that phrase in mind!